Summary: This "Devil's Dictionary" for grassroots environmentalists contains some uncommon definitions for common words and phrases; and also some laws, constants and rules-of-thumb discovered over the years. It is divided into sections by topic.

PUBLIC ADMINISTRATION

1st. Law of Property:

Land, once stolen fair and square, cannot be stolen back.

1st. Law of Public Land:

The tough guys always get the ground.

Acceptance & Acceptability:

When people say that local people will not support what they do not understand, what they mean is that people will not accept what they do understand if accepting it costs them money or proves their whole life has been a tragic mistake. (see Willful Ignorance)

Accountability:

Generally advocated after it is too late to actually achieve it.

Balance:

The process of making tradeoffs between tepidly enforcing environmental laws and ignoring them altogether. When the Grand Canyon Dam was proposed, every elected and civic official within 100 miles of the proposed dam agreed the "balanced approach" was to build it. Derived not from the Latin "bilanz" - to weigh, but rather from the Greek "balanoc" - to insert a suppository in the rectum to ease irritation, as in, "Please bend over so the doctor can insert a "balanoc" into your equation."

County:

American political designation originally developed along with the township and range system to facilitate real estate speculation.

Environmental Enforcement - Basic Rule of:

From St. Augustine, "Give me chastity and continency - but not yet!"

Environmental Enforcement - Circular Argument of:

1. Environmental laws are essential to sustain the web of life upon which we all depend. 2. Alas, if we ever seriously tried to enforce these laws, the subsequent public outcry would cause their repeal. 3. Therefore, we must never seriously enforce them. 4. Nevertheless, go back to #1.)

Equation:

"We must put people back into the equation!" Mythical mathematical concept generally used to advocate injecting local job impacts into Endangered Species listings for the same reason the law's framers specifically excluded them in the first place. To whit, if we had to consider whether it was worth eliminating a man's job to protect some poor creature, nothing non-human could ever be protected from anything, anytime, anywhere.

Gridlock:

Originally referred to third-world traffic congestion created by pervasive non-enforcement of traffic laws. Today sometimes used to refer to a legal impasse which prevents clearcutting in many forests. Gridlock is usually unmistakable evidence that activists have been successful in thwarting the devious plans of large corporations. So Gridlock is a badge of honor and a measure of effectiveness.

MacCollism:

A type of soothing, pre-authorized speech. At the Clinton Forest Summit, the distinguished historian Kimbark MacColl was asked to review the history of the timber industry in the West. Just before he spoke, MacColl was ordered to delete from his speech, key phrases like, "Timber cutters came to despoil ...", "...absentee timber owners simply treated the region as a colony to be exploited." This allowed President Clinton to speak immediately after MacColl and say of the timber industry, "I've been impressed with their love of the land."

Property Rights - Basic rule of:

If a property owner ever had the right to urinate on a piece of property, he has a perpetual right to site a toxic outfall on that same property. Asserting rights over one's private property is All-American: asserting public interest over public property is un-American.

Reaching Out:

Oft asserted bromide that enlightened public policy requires we accommodate those adversely impacted by environmental laws - to the point of selective non-enforcement of those laws. Had President Eisenhower "reached out" to the citizens of Little Rock, Arkansas in the 1950's, he might have dispatched community facilitators instead of armed troops, and probably the schools in the South would still be segregated. (see Partnering and Win-Win)

Observer:

According to conservatives, the only proper relationship of a citizen to local extractive industry is as an observer.

Scoping:

The process by which land management agencies solicit public input on their proposed plans. In practice, Scoping is often scheduled too early to be seriously considered or too late to make any meaningful difference.

Willful Ignorance:

A reflexive and instinctive reaction by "higher monitoring authorities" to scientific data that proves their past practices created environmental problems. Succinctly captured by Horace who said, "To all that which thou provest me thus, I refuse to give credence, and hate."

Win-Win (From the old English word "winnan" - to fight):

A negotiating strategy urged upon environmentalists by their opponents, who seldom practice it themselves, to ensure activists "lose-lose" and are grateful for it.

Utopian Localism:

A pervasive myth that rural officials know best about what "really works" on the local level. Realistically, if we ever ceased Federal enforcement of environmental laws, our public resources would be extracted or privatized in short order with local officials as cheerleaders because the environmental values of most local officials run a continuum from indifference to outright hostility.

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